standing in line, I think you're pretty

January. an awesome day to kick start with. the boys finally gathered everyone for a "jersey BBQ". started my pupillage. 17th Jan to be exact. the first, and probably my only AJL. heh. Digi KPOP Party, a last minute free ticket. I get to see Beast! How awe-some is that? Lil's 24th celebration. complete! February. February was a rollercoaster ride. ups and down. my grandmother passed away. rasa kehilangan sangat-sangat. It was so hard to be direct on how I feel for few months. Sedih sangat-sangat , sampai duduk sorang-sorang dalam bilik pun rasa macam sunyi. Lagi-lagi bila experience first time mandikan jenazah. Tengok orang yang kita sayang dikapankan. And time tu rasa hilang. March&April March. Actually we hesitate nak pergi ayah's RMC reunion dekat Lumut sebab rasa macam it wasnt the right time. But on second thought, it was probably the best. I enjoyed lumut and meeting some sailors of course. And of course, being saved by PASKAL ok. you can read bout it here G...

selagi tu cakap taknak ingat dia. selagi tu la dia muncul depan kita. *mengeluh macam orang tak reti bahasa*

wow. I actually forgot about the existence of this blog. pardon me. I know I only have like 10 random people reading now and then but I like reading back the old entries. Its like a wake up call. I was that 'bimbo' huh? That precious moment. Its coming to end of the year! Will soon gather up all the photos for a 2011 in summary, cause 2011 have been a bumpy ride for me. But Alhamdulillah I am grateful for everything I have now. I've been on holiday... so, I've been waking up at 6, performing my prayers and going back to bed. No I'm lying at the going back to bed part. The longer you're at home, the more 'bibik' you'll be. Hehe. But I enjoy doing house chores. I like having a clean room (my room only) and maybe kitchen. I forgot whats been going on for this whole month. Let me upload some photos from phone just to recall back. *uploading from phone* (really this really took almost half an hour. so I end up saving this post and continued my reading) Te...

its a weird feeling when you sit down with your friends and the things you talk about is marriage. Funny how everyone is going through that stage of life. I see half of my friends now going around with babies. Feeling a little left out maybe? Urgh, the stages of life! I feel like I'm about to write "how to play, LIFE". First stage. I think the stages of life begins in deciding your future career. That part when you walk around open day at your local university/colleges deciding what you want to be. and realizing, "ish takleh buat main benda macam ni!" You dont want to waste four years in university and end up doing something else right? WRONG. there's opportunities out there! Why not. Rezeki dekat mana-mana kan? Why not? Maybe not in this field. Maybe in different field. I didnt think of this when I decided to do law. I didnt even know what's the meaning of justice and equality until I did my chambering. I realized the need of law when I see how less for...

(courtesy of tumblr) and today Allah answered my prayers. Syukur. I hope it'll be over soon. It'll be okay soon. InsyaAllah.

at this point in life, every time I'm alone I kept thinking. Why would someone think of ending their life? Don't you love people around you? Your family? Have you thought how would they feel when you decided to end this life? Have you thought of Allah? Have you thought of the sins? I kept thinking where's your Iman? What's playing in your mind that you would commit such sin? ;(

salahkah saya kerana menegur? salahkah saya kerana tidak menegur? dua benda ni selalu buat kita rasa keliru. kadang-kadang tak tahu mana nak mula. in the end, I'll just end up staying silent. Kadang-kadang senyum sahaja. Kadang-kadang tolak terus. Mungkin saya tidak arif bab-bab ini. Tapi saya tahu hukumnya masih HARAM. Mereka tahu ianya HARAM, tapi kenapa mereka masih melakukannya? Bila kita tegur, jawapannya kubur masing-masing jaga. Bila tak tegur, in the future jari itu ditunding balik ke kita? Whats the best way? I dont know. ;(

'cinta adalah sesuatu yang aneh. jika manusia menggenggamnya terlalu kuat ia akan mati. tetapi jika manusia menggengamnya terlalu longgar ia akan pergi. ' ~ Rehal Nuharis setting it free once again. kalau nak datang, datanglah. kalau tidak. biarkan sahaja dia pergi :(

this entry would be boring. seriously. so today ibu decided to treat us with a new watch. I'm not really a fan of watch, rather exchange it with a handbag or anything. As long the one on my wrists shows the right time and makes sure I'm not late in court, I'm wayyy great and fine. So today we went for watch hunting in Subang Parade. Dont let me start how awesome Subang Parade is now. Maybe since Empire is closed,the shops in Parade seems better. ANYWAYS. So there's few shops. Expensive ones mostly. Hey I dont mind a flowery butterfly watch from Swatch but come to think of it, I should get something more 'feminine lady like' watch now that I'm old. *insert sad smiley face* So wait, before I start with my watch hunting. Let me tell you a secret. Come close. There's two things I like to look at when there's 'men/boys' around. Their wrist. =D Boys that wears nice wrist watch, may it be expensive Rolex or a simple G-Shock looks FINE to me. Or s...

Less than 5 days till ayah and ibu leaves for Tanah Suci. Of course ayahibu orang paling tak sabar nak pergi. Setiap hari tengok beg, make sure everything is in order. Setiap hari ayah check rumah, kereta , TNB box, telefon, bills semua ok to ensure kitaorang semua selamat dekat rumah. Setiap hari ada orang telefon tanya khabar, kirim salam, kirim doa, kirim waqaf. Setiap kali semua orang cakap tinggal-lah korang bertiga rasa sebak sangat. Come to think of it we were never left alone at home more than a week. Feel so grown up now that they can leave us at home without any worries. Kita orang ni yang tengok ayah ibu excited yang rasa sedih. Sebak lagi rasa setiap kali salam auntie, uncle, cousin , semua tanya "Raya Haji ni datang rumah tau!" Rasa macam berbelah bagi semua jemput datang rumah. By that time it really made me realize that my parents are leaving so soon and we're going to celebrate Raya Haji alone. Although part of us dont really care where we're celebrati...

I love reading blogs of young parents. When they write little things of waking up with their little sugar pumpkin snuggling beside them or how little ones says the darnest things to them that make them smile all day. Or how they have a day off from work and spend their day at home cooking, feeding and putting their kids to sleep. Oh I cant wait to be parents one day! *insert smiley face* Speaking of parents! The other day we had a small, sort of small kenduri for my parents since they're heading off for their Haji soon. *sob-sob* So my kupu-kupu's son (my auntie is actually my dad's cousin. so my auntie's daughters are my dua pupu? get it? but my cousins from my dad's side decides to call them kupu-kupu lol.) So this is my kupu-kupu's son. His name is Adam. He likes to hide under the table while all of us is having lunch and giggles under the table. So anyways, he was around during our kenduri. The best part having him around is that you feel normal having litt...

this is i think the only picture of my late grandmother. She's the one carrying the baby with the cute umbrella by the way. I never got the chance to know my grandma on ayah's side. she passed away when ayah was in RMC due to cancer if I;m not mistaken. Ayah seldom talk about my late grandmother too or even his late father. The baby in the picture is actually my dad. Ayah sort of grew up with his uncle in Batu Pahat. So I really considered Tok Manap as my granfather. He really loved us and always make silly jokes when we come around. We used to celebrate Raya at Tok Manap's house too. Oh and ayah even got married at Tok Manap's house. With all those fancy air force suit and jalan bawah pedang etc. I found this picture while tiding up my books about few months back. I think it was the first time I saw ayah's tears when I brought him this picture. I have a habit of keeping old pictures and hiding it. till that day I decided to ask him. There wasnt any good pictures. B...

say whaa? kelip kelip dah bukan oktober dah? macam tak percaya je! its been an emotional month of september for me. I have to say Raya was great. Celebrating with family and friends. This year around our uncles and aunties from Negeri and Johor even dropped by despite their hectic schedules. I'm glad we have bigger house now and more parking space. I like cooking and baking for our guests. Kembang kembang bila orang puji masakan sedap. Walaupun brownies at times tak rupa brownies tapi licin orang habiskan. hehe. Oh, cleaning can be a hassle too when you dont have anyone to help you out. I'm not complaining, I like that feeling of taking charge of everything. Feel like a grown up with my own family to handle. Oh wells, tu berangan je. Sekali sekala. Macam berangan bila pergi grocery shopping sendiri. Hehe. I remember talking to Atiqah about it how I love grocery shopping. If Cold Storage sells cheaper things I would go Cold Storage every weekend cause they offer more. But wahey,...

O Captain my Captain! our fearful trip is done; The ship has weathered every rack, the prize we sought is won; The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting, While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring: But O heart! heart! heart! O the bleeding drops of red, Where on the deck my Captain lies, Fallen cold and dead.

to think about marriage scares me. I want to have a family to have a loving husband, but reaching that goal seems to sound even harder than getting a good old certificate that could make both your parents smile and be proud of it for lifetime... It scares me that I feel like I'm running out of time with all this. Being pressured by friends who's all getting married around the same time. It scares me that what if when I found the right person, I'm not the right one for him. I'm trying my best to push the negativity away but reality can be painful. Waking up in the morning knowing that you're going to see that someone. He might not know anythign but for some funny reason his existence brightens your mood. This might be one of those things I might talk with my friends in the future and laugh it off. But for now? Ya Allah, jauhkanlah dia dari aku. ;(

hai kawan. saya sedih. lupa ke? ini yang awak minta dulu? apa? ini. kerja. merasa duit sendiri. bilik sendiri. ini tak sempurna. ah, itu alasan. awak tak pernah bersyukur dengan apa yang awak ada. kerja. duit yang cukup. tubuh badan yang sihat. rumat. makan cukup. pakai cukup. kehulu kehilir berkereta. apa lagi yang tak ada? kasih sayang. habis tu mereka semua ni siapa? siapa? ayah ibu abang adik? kawan-kawan yang peluk cium awak bila jumpa awak? kawan-kawan awak yang mesej setiap pagi tanya khabar. yang gelak ketawa. yang kongsi ais krim bersama. yang peluk awak bila sedih. yang pujuk awak bila sedih. tak cukup lagi? bersyukurlah dengan apa yang awak ada. urusan Jodoh tu kan di tangan Allah? =( وَزَكَرِيَّا إِذْ نَادَىٰ رَبَّهُ رَبِّ لَا تَذَرْنِي فَرْدًا وَأَنتَ خَيْرُ الْوَارِثِينَ “Dan (ingatlah kisah) Zakariya, tatkala ia menyeru Tuhannya ‘ya Tuhanku, janganlah Engkau membiarkan aku hidup seorang diri, dan Engkau adalah Waris Yang Paling Baik’.”(QS. Abiya/ 21: 89)

yes. tunang. engagement. no Im not getting hitched anytime soon. My brother is. And everyone is treating like I'm the one getting married. Im the one who have to worry about the hantaran. etc. its stressing me out a little because I want to plan my own engagement and wedding. I dont want to contribute and share my ideas for my brother's wedding. whats left there for me? :( the funny thing is, my mum doesnt want to accept my ideas, instead she goes with her own. THEN makes last minute changes and asks me to take over. WHAT? Its two weeks before the engagement and none of the hantaran is ready! sabar je lah!

Im writing this because I decided not to sleep after Sahur. Yes I am that lazy that I like to sleep after Sahur. It's a satisfaction waking up at seven and get ready to work without having to worry about breakfast. Hi. My room is in a mess too! Hehe. Work has been crazy that I tend to sleep my weekend away. And yes spending time with the besties. Cant believe August came and its ending so soon. I feel like everything is in a rush. So went for Iftar with the Uni mates last night. It was short but i love getting updates from them. Spend time doing crazy things. And I miss them the most. I actually miss going to class. You can actually choose whether to skip class or not depending on whether you three quotas has been filled. But work. Aiyoh. Leave or no leave. There's still tons to do. The moment you decided to skip and forget all about it is the moment Id might regret the most. It piles up since no one would get it done for you. Being in charge of files and having t...

funny how all this have been surreal. okay lets do the bangkok talk. why. why did I did a crazy last minute plan. bought a ticket for bangkok. the one that I kept from everyone because I was partly embarassed to tell them why i wanted to go there. its all because of this guy. wait. not that proper huh. let me post another picture. okay fine. the only reason i call him my cinta mati is the above two pictures. he's the dorkiest idol Ive been inlove with. wow. that sounds so wrong. haha. i think most of my close friends knows this. so this is mr. bulan. i went to bangkok to see him (ewah mcm bercinta pulak) things like cinta terhalang. hahaha. so the bff made last minute arrangements. it was the awesome 4 days of my life. at least. okay, it was the awesome 4 days of my chambering days. hehe. it was that break I needed the most. So i went to bangkok. purchased last minute tickets. and saw mr. bulan. went shopping like mad. went for massages like mad. hensem kan? haha. okay the reason b...

because at times like this.

here's to the night. i might not cry or speak my heart out. but just for you to know. i heart you endlessly.

Hi. Its 2.40 in the morning and I'm dreaming about having a wonderful holiday in Greece. Yes I know this come back entry deserves an endless update for the past 3 months. I have a lot to share. to tell. but....I'm going to turn in and dream about Greece instead. goodnight.

because I cant believe I'm halfway through 2011. I decided to not blog anything for the past few months for a reason. And in the end I decided to delete that entry. Now I'm back to square one. Wanting to write about that particular thing. My parents, my siblings, my friends would think I am okay with what happened in February then April.I dont think I have the guts to talk about it to anyone. I dont think I am capable to talk about it to anyone without shedding a tear. The thing with 'this' is that, once I stop thinking, I just completely forgot all about it. And once those little itsybitsy unrelated memories, things just kept coming and coming. Simple things like goreng ikan masin. or beli kuih sago mata ikan just reminded me of...... I have this guilty feeling. I think thats it. I kept feeling regret for not asking for forgiveness. Or not saying goodbye because I was afraid. I was afraid to come close. I was afraid to sit there. I was afraid to look directly in the e...

Well. What a weekend I tell you. I've never been this excited for our short trip this time around. Since it's Ayah's reunion with his friends, I'm glad we're all actually taking a break from work. It's been a while since we went on holiday. So this time around, Ayah's friends back in Military College organized a Family Day. So 40 families joined this trip. It was one awesome trip. It was short but filled with a neverending experience (well for me,lah). It was my first time entering the Navy Base Camp in Lumut. So everywhere you turn is Man , and Women in *cough* white and blue uniforms *beams*. It's the uniforms I tell you. The base camp is like an army version of UITM , they have everything in there. The best part is, its by the sea. So it was my first experience going for Sailing on a REAL SAILING BOAT. So since there were like 7 families, we had to split into two groups. and mine end up being the last one! But it was a trip to remember cause we had a ...

I dont know where to begin. I never thought this day would come. We were all prepared but not so soon. It was too soon. Too soon. Pretending I'm strong is not okay.

Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. The belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision, to ignore or simply rise above the pain of the past. The covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. The celebration, of the chance for two will always be stronger than one. Like a team, braced against the tempest’s of the world. And love... will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality.. only an announcement to the world for feelings long held. Promises made long ago -- in the sacred space of our hearts.

"Douglas Adams once wrote: 'He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it."

At times, I wondered why I stopped dreaming about you. For the past 4 years, it's always have been you. It just stopped. Reading an email from the past just reminded me of you. I wonder where you are, how are you doing? " I am writing this because I had a wonderful dream about him. I dreamt that I heard him lafaz nikah. I dreamt that I cried when he said my name. I dreamt that I was late to my own solemnization that he had to call and pick me up to make sure I am not late to my own wedding. I dreamt that I forgot to put on my make up and ibu was there to make me feel pretty. I dreamt that I forgot to call my friends to come to my wedding" They say not to tell anyone about your dream or it wont come true but this whole crazy fairytale of mine happened 2 years ago. Part of me is smiling reading an email from the old. Part of me is just sad that I had to play Yiruma's Kiss the rain over and over again. :(

satu. I bought new purse. Finally got rid of the old one I bought in Phuket. Its pretty. But only realize there's so little compartments. dua. I'm trying to save up to buy this lists I made but....... tiga. While everyone is complaining about traffic to work. At times I wished I'm working somewhere a little further from home tapi......saya suka rumah dekat dengan office. empat. Everyday I thought about not having rice, konon nak diet tapi...... lima. I miss my crazy Subang friends dearly. We just made a weekly/monthly trip for massage! tapi.... we only get to see each other on weekends! enam. Lately I fail at baking. Last week I made red velvet. It tastes amazing. Soft. RED. but too moist it broke into half when I was putting it on Lazy Susan so I couldn't make it two layers. Ate it, ice cream style. tujuh. I wished I wasn't the only chambee in my office. But I like the fact everyone's there is teaching me everything. Banking, Litigation, Conveyencing. lapan. I...

I know. I missed two months of updates. I wrote a whole long entry but saved it in my MWord. Now I'm not sure where exactly I saved it. So how's work everyone? Mine has been okay. It always started off like "No-wai-I'm doing litigation. I'm just going to relax and enjoy chambering and probably doing conveyancing cause I think it was one thing I could understand. Guess what I'm stuck with now. Cik Litigation. Litigation is fun cause you read a lot, do research a lot. and well, read a lot. The thing with litigation is, there's SO MANY THINGS to get done with! Okay. Am not going to rant about work cause I'm actually enjoying it. Moral of the story is, don't plan the future. Things like, as much I want to avoid litigation, I end up doing it.... As much I want to marry a Korean, I should not plan it. I'll just go with the flow. As much as I'm planning a 2012 Korean trip. I might be going this May? No. Not planning anything. *whistles*

A conversation with ayah, ibu, uncle and auntie. "Ayah, once I'm done with chambering I'd like to continue with something else. Legal Secretary would be great. hehe. " O.O "I've been going to court 4 times for the past 2 weeks and there's nothing special anymore. Everyone's wearing the same clothes, carrying the same bag and doing the same thing." Uncle : "NO! You have to be a lawyer. We have 2 doctors, 3 engineers and endless amounts of teachers in our family. We NEED A LAWYER" T.T Ok.